Most people aren’t stupid or evil. They just live in a different world with different assumptions than you do.
If someone’s behavior doesn’t make sense, it usually means you’re missing a key belief, incentive, or context that would make it logical in their world.
I like to ask myself:
“What would have to be true in their world (but not in mine) that would make their position obvious?”
When I find that missing piece, I can communicate with empathy and respect, and people are far more likely to listen, because I have taken the time to understand their world.
The hard part is that our own assumptions blind us.
A client once complained that “My manager should support me instead of blaming me for anything that goes wrong and taking credit for anything that goes well.” But when I asked them “What evidence do you have that this manager will act that way?”, they couldn’t come up with examples. They were confusing what they wanted with reality.
So if you catch yourself saying, “They should be doing X,” that’s your cue to pause. Observe the situation objectively. Ask questions. Try to understand their world.
You might discover that their world is different than you think. That understanding is what will allow you to build a bridge to real influence.
What examples do you have of learning that someone’s reality was different than you assumed?