How do you find that magical moment when you “click” with somebody?
I don’t think there’s any single answer:
— Some people say you have to spend time in person together, but that’s not enough – I’ve been spending a bunch of time with other parents from my kids’ school, and haven’t quite found that click.
— You can find people with common interests online, but there’s something different about connecting in person.
— Sometimes spending more time together allows you to get past the surface topics of work and parenting and the weather, and talk about real things. But sometimes not, because one or both of you doesn’t feel safe enough to open up.
The best answer I have is to keep putting myself out there and hope that other people connect with what I share. Somebody has to open up first, and I try to be that person.
The same applies to job searching these days. I am coaching several people who are looking for something new. Because it’s a tough job market, they get drawn into a performative mindset, of preparing for and excelling at interviews. Especially for more senior folks, I ask them to consider an alternative approach where they start sharing a clear vision of how they want to contribute, and look for people and companies who are looking for that contribution (note that this only applies in situations where they already have a job and can afford to be choosy). By putting their vision out there, they are more likely to find a fit where they can show up as their best self at work.
For my part, I hope to see some of you in person at LeadDev’s Meetup on Thursday evening in SF (details at the link in the comments). I’ll be talking about building executive influence, and how to listen to find out what other people care about so that you can help them succeed.
Beyond that, I want to organize more in-person events in Mountain View where I live – let me know if you’d be interested in joining!