When I started reading the book Us: Getting Past You And Me To Build A More Loving Relationship, by marriage counselor Terrence Real, I expected to apply its lessons to my relationship. ”
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“To my surprise, I am also applying Real’s ideas about how to live in relationship to my executive coaching clients. ”
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“This book centers around the simple idea that when we were children, we adapted to our environment to get our emotional needs met. We used our parents as role models, and either mirrored their tendencies, or rebelled against their tendencies. This leads to unproductive, selfish behaviors getting passed on from generation to generation; Real calls this acting as our Adaptive Child selves, which are borne out of survival fight-or-flight instincts adapted to a world of scarcity and selfishness. ”
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“But when we can interrupt those learned reactions, we can instead choose to act as our Wise Adult selves and offer opportunities to connect. As Real describes, “Functional actions in a relationship are moves that empower your partner to come through for you. Dysfunctional actions are those that render your partner paralyzed.” These moves towards relationship create a path towards integration and wholeness, to create a sense of togetherness as “Us”. ”
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“More details and quotes in my blog summary at https://lnkd.in/gsuae6h4”
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“#connection #relationships #youhaveachoice