“It’s not how well you play the game, it’s deciding what game you want to play.” — Kwame Appiah
Graham Duncan shared this quote in his podcast interview with Tim Ferriss, and I love it as a concise articulation of why it’s important to consciously choose your direction in your life and career.
Many people play the game they are given, whether it’s striving for promotions on the career ladder (that somebody else defined), or trying to keep everybody around them (or their parents) happy, or just believing that hard work is enough. And they often eventually reach a point where they are “winning” the game but still unhappy, because that game is not a good match for them.
That’s what happened to me – I had gotten hired at Google after a decade of insignificant jobs, I was on track to be promoted after a couple years, and I was miserable. I was working long hours, my physical and mental health were deteriorating, and I eventually burned out.
But that experience gave me the clarity to realize I was playing the wrong game, and I had a choice to pick a new game that aligned with my intrinsic traits and motivations. With that clarity, I focused on what energized me, and said no to other activities or asks that were a distraction from my core purpose.
Once you know what game you want to play, life becomes simpler, because you’re not trying to play all the games at once: get rich, get famous, get promoted, have more impact, be a great partner, be a great parent, be beautiful, compete in sports at a high level, run triathlons, have meaningful friendships, contribute to your community, create art, etc.
It’s simply not possible to do it all, so choose the game(s) that are the most important to you, and let the others go.
Note that this also is true if you want to have impact as a founder or an executive – you have to figure out what is most important to your organization and focus your attention and efforts there, because you can’t do it all with scarce resources. Clarity and focus are a key differentiator of effective executives. Click the link in my bio to learn more.
What game are you playing these days? And, more importantly, what games are you saying no to?
P.S. Graham Duncan’s skill seems to be identifying what game people should be playing. He tells the memorable story of somebody applying to his firm as an analyst, but who followed up incessantly. Duncan hired him as his sales lead instead, and that person drove the growth of the business with his tenacity.