How are you the problem?
This question is meant to remind you of the agency you have in a situation that isn’t working for you. While there’s much of life that is out of your control, you still can manage your own behaviors and mindsets, and how those might be contributing to the situation.
For example, you might be in a situation where your manager doesn’t support you and is overworking you to the point of #burnout. Your manager is definitely a problem, but how might you be contributing to that situation? You are still showing up for work each day and agreeing to do the work, rather than drawing a #boundary and risk incurring their anger or losing your job.
I was in that situation once, where I worked 100 hour weeks because my manager told me that’s what I had to do to get promoted. I kept going until my body collapsed and I was in bed sick for a week over Christmas break. I felt completely stuck… until I recognized I was choosing to say yes to that work. In January, I told my manager I wasn’t going to work that hard any more. I was warned that if I couldn’t handle the work, they would give the work to somebody who could, and I wouldn’t get the promotion. I agreed. They took away half my team and slashed my performance evaluation rating.
Despite my worst fears coming true, I eventually realized I had been given a gift. Rather than working all the time, I got my life back. That experience also helped me see that I was the one enforcing the rules that I “had to” do things like get the promotion or do whatever my manager said. Those rules were how I was the problem in that situation. Once I learned I could change my rules, e.g. “I must do whatever my manager says…unless I am willing to accept the consequences”, the world opened up for me with many more available choices. I’d love for you to have the same realization.
I explore this theme of “How are you the problem?” in my new book, You Have A Choice: Beyond Hard Work to Meaningful Impact, coming out next Monday, November 6th. This week, I will be posting insights from the book every day to give you a sneak peek into the contents. Click the bell on my profile to get notified about my new posts!
#youhaveachoice