Where does the difficulty lie?
Thomas Hübl, PhD shared an insight yesterday that as part of #trauma, we tend to ascribe qualities to others: “That was a difficult meeting” or “X is a difficult client”. Such language externalizes the difficulty, elevating it to a reality that we are helpless to change. This is comforting in the sense that we don’t have a responsibility to do anything differently, but ultimately leads to stagnation and frustration because we feel trapped by the situation.
Hübl observed that the true difficulty lies within:
— “That was a difficult meeting” becomes “When Y spoke in that meeting, I felt fear (or shame) and that experience was difficult for me to process.”
— “X is a difficult client” becomes “In my sessions with X, I feel overwhelmed and don’t know how to respond”.
If we update our language in this way to reflect our actual experience, we become more empowered. Instead of the difficulty being an unchangeable fact of reality, it is merely our reaction to what happens. If we learn to create our own grounding and safety, we can handle the situations differently by staying present instead of getting swept away by our triggered emotions. We become more fluid and responsive, rather than fixed in our trauma reactions.
What’s a situation that feels difficult for you right now? How does it feel different if you reframe your language as described above?