What will you stop doing to start something new?
As people think about their plans for next year (including New Year’s resolutions), they often think about what they want more of:
— I want to go to the gym more.
— I want to spend more time with friends and family.
— I want to earn more scope at work and get a promotion.
— I will volunteer more.
But that ignores the constraint that we have limited time and attention. If we want to do more of something, that means doing less of something else.
It sounds obvious, but human brains don’t think that way – we imagine that everything stays the same with the added benefit of the new activity.
It helps to clearly make the tradeoff decision of what you are willing to give up to get the new thing you want.
Even with that clarity, it can still be hard. I have said I will start a habit of doing pushups and core exercises many many times over the past ten years. And I still don’t do it, in part because I haven’t found a consistent time for it in my life. I have to think of doing it at a time when I have a few minutes of downtime, and I have to be motivated in that moment to do it, and I rarely have the willpower. My brain always comes up with excuses.
I know all the research – BJ Fogg would tell me to start with doing just one pushup at a consistent time and place each day and grow from there. James Clear would tell me to make the habit visible, easy and fun. But knowing isn’t the same as doing, partially because this habit hasn’t yet beaten out work, family and relaxation on my internal priority list.
If you’ve had trouble doing something that you have said you wanted to do for a long time:
1) Take a look at what you’re doing instead when the time comes to do it.
2) Ask yourself whether you’re really willing to stop doing that to start the new thing.
2a) If yes, put the old thing down to start the new thing.
2b) If no, accept that you’re not ready to give the old thing up.
Either answer is fine, but consciously decide. You can always revisit the decision, but better to make a choice and move on, rather than consider whether you will do it every day.