Advice for both parents and leaders: Chill out. They can do more than you think they can.
I was at a gathering last night where somebody asked for parenting advice. I’m no parenting expert, and it will be at least a couple decades before we can evaluate how my kids turn out, but I shared my perspective anyway. And as I listened to what I and other parents said, I realized that each piece of advice would also work for my executive coaching clients to improve their leadership.
1. You set the tone. Your family (or your team) will take their emotional cues from you.
2. Chill out! You don’t matter as much as you think you do, and you don’t have nearly as much control of what happens as you imagine.
3. They can do more than you think they can. If you believe that your child (or your report) can’t do something, then you won’t give them the chance to do it. The only way to grow their capabilities is to step back and let them try things beyond what you think they can handle.
4. Admit that you can’t do it all. It’s better to plan to “drop the ball” on certain things than to try to hold yourself to an unrealistic standard of doing it all which leads to doing everything poorly and letting things slip unintentionally.
It’s not surprising that parenting and leadership have such an overlap; in both situations, we are responsible for guiding others who have less experience and knowledge than we do. But what’s interesting to me about the principles above is that it’s less about how to transmit that knowledge and experience, and more about the stance with which we show up in those relationships.
If we can accept that we have less control than we’d like, and can deal with the anxiety and fear that comes with that lesser control while still owning the responsibility, then everything works better. So chill out!