A friend recently shared an observation from their therapist that we teach people how to treat us. ”
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“The way we act and react contributes to the patterns of our interactions. If we accept certain behaviors because we “don’t want to make a scene”, people will likely repeat those behaviors. If we back down when conflict arises, then people will learn to push us to get what they want. ”
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“I find this mental model gives me agency: ”
“– What might I be doing that encourages the treatment from others that I say I don’t want? ”
“– What am I unwilling to feel?”
“– How might I shake up my typical patterns to get a different treatment? ”
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“For instance, I often notice myself apologizing when I take time for myself, because I don’t want to burden others. Yet this trains me and others that their needs come before mine, so they feel free to put more on my plate.”
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“I contrast this with others who unapologetically take the time they want. They assume that they deserve that time, and trust that others can handle what arises in their absence, and as a result, they don’t get overloaded in the same way. I am experimenting with acting as those others do to see if this results in me getting treated differently. ”
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“What similar experiments can you run for yourself? ”
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“#coaching #personaldevelopment