When you stop being present, you are working with an outdated image.
Our minds construct models of other people to efficiently navigate the interaction. When we are present and open, we are constantly updating that model with new information. But most of us live in a stressed and hurried state that blocks us from the capacity to absorb new information, so we operate with our internal projection that may no longer represent reality. One example of this is parents who treat their children as incapable kids even as they grow up.
A variation of this that I observe in my clients is projecting their expectations onto another person. This particularly comes up with authority figures e.g. “My manager (or CEO) should do the right thing and support me in my career”. They hold onto this belief even when they have ample evidence that the particular person who is their manager or CEO is not behaving in that way. They are not open to the data showing the reality they are facing.
In either case, the key is to slow down and take a few deep breaths to relax the nervous system, and then open yourself to observe what is actually happening. When you can get present with the current reality as it is, you can operate much more effectively in the world.
Who is another person you are struggling to have effective interactions with? What outdated image might you be holding onto of that person?
P.S. Thanks to Thomas Hübl, PhD for sharing this insight yesterday at the workshop.